


Home

by LazySundayTales



Category: Holby City
Genre: Army, F/F, Family, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8591473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazySundayTales/pseuds/LazySundayTales
Summary: AU. Bernie and Serena met and fell in love in college and now have an *almost* perfect family life. But life can never be perfectly simple, can it? In this fic, Charlotte, Cameron and Elinor all still exist, but as Berena's children. Marcus and Edward will also appear in different ways, as will most of the usual characters.





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never really enjoy full on AU stories, but I had the idea for this one and it wouldn't leave me alone, so here it is! Please review and let me know if you'd like me to continue!

Bernie was stood out the front of the hospital completely unsure what to do. She’d grabbed the chance to get home a few days early, intending to surprise Serena at work, but now Bernie stood here, she was terrified to go in. It had suddenly occurred to her that she didn’t know where Serena’s ward was, she didn’t know her colleagues, she didn’t even know if she’d be working today!

 “Can I help you with something?” A tall man she hadn’t noticed was suddenly hovering by her side, his eyes slightly narrowed as though he was trying to work out where he knew her from.

 Could this be Henrik Hanssen? Bernie had never seen a photo of him, but he looked just as Cameron had described him- narrow and a little too tall, but with kind eyes.

 “I uh…m-maybe. I’m…I’m looking for Serena-“ Bernie paused then, realising she had no idea which name Serena used at work. Her maiden name, married name? Bernie had never asked.

 “You must be Major Wolfe.” The frown on the man’s forehead eased suddenly, and he put out a hand to shake hers. “Henrik Hanssen.”

 Through her nervousness, Bernie gave a faint smile. She’d have to tell Cameron just how right his description was.

 “She’s not rostered on today-“

 “Oh.”

 “But I believe she is in the building collecting some paperwork. Right this way, please.” He indicated that she follow him. Hoisting her duffel bag over her shoulder, Bernie did just that, her eyes darting around curiously as they walked.

 “Ah, Mr. Griffin! Do you happen to know where Serena is?” Hanssen suddenly stopped beside someone Bernie finally recognised. She’d met Ric once or twice over the last few years.

 “Ms Wolfe.” He nodded at her, no hint of what he thought of her sudden arrival showing on his face as he indicated to an office off to one side. “She’s just-“

 “MUM!”

 A sudden shout had all three heads turning back the way Bernie and Henrik had just walked, a small body barrelling into Bernie before she had a chance to put down her bag.

 A second later, a small head peered around the side of the office doorframe that Ric had gestured towards, watching the moment curiously.

 The first hug Bernie would get from her children when she arrived home was always bittersweet. She loved the feeling of them in her arms once more and would hug them so tightly that on occasion they would claim they couldn’t breathe, but it also hurt to know they’d missed her and that she’d missed them terribly, and now would only have a limited time with them before going again.

 So as she hugged Cameron, pulling him off the ground until his feet dangled in mid-air, Bernie hugged him as tightly as she could, her face burying itself into his neck so she could simultaneously breath him in and wipe away her tears on his top.

 “I thought you weren’t home until next month?” Cameron finally pointed out when she’d finally released him, a wobbling smile on her lips.

 “Well, surprise!” Bernie opened her arm with a grin, both of them laughing when Cameron launched himself into them again. “I heard someone is in the school play, and I couldn’t miss that, could I?”

 Cameron shook his head, stepping away from his mother’s embrace again. “Can I put on your jacket?”

 Bernie rolled her eyes and gave a smile. Every time. Dropping her bag finally, she undid her jacket and placed its heavy weight over her son’s narrow shoulders. “It’s going to be too small for you one day, you know!”

 “No way, I’ll make myself stop growing before then!” Cameron offered confidently as he did the buttons up and began rolling up the sleeves.

 It was at that moment that Bernie caught sight of the small face watching her out of the corner of her eye. A gentle smile replaced her grin and she crouched down, looking at the girl before her. “Hello, princess.”

 Charlotte watched her warily, glancing from her brother to her mother, unsure.

 “Don’t I get a hug?” Bernie finally ventured gently.

 But as Charlotte took one hesitant step towards her, the door beside the girl was suddenly opened fully, Serena appearing.

 “Cameron, if you- oh.” Serena had been about to snap at Cameron, who had somehow left the office while she was on the phone. She’d promised they wouldn’t be here long, and in return he’d promised not to run off. But then she saw the woman crouching on the ground, now staring up at her with wide eyes.

 Charlotte glanced up at Serena, trying to gauge her reaction to Bernie so that she could mirror it, but all Serena did was stand there, mouth half open, staring.

 “Hello, you.” Bernie finally offered, putting hands on her thighs to push herself to her feet.

“What-“ It was all that Serena’s brain seemed to be able to formulate. This wasn’t how it happened. Bernie would give her a time and a date and she’d meet her at the airport. That was always how it was.

“She came back to see me in the school play!” Cameron offered proudly before rushing off to show his friend Henrik his mother’s jacket where he and Ric stood at a polite distance away.

 “Oh.”

 Just as she had done to Cameron, Bernie’s smile widened and she opened her arms. “Surprise!”

 At this, Charlotte burst into tears, and Serena finally drew her eyes away from Bernie to attend to their daughter, pulling her into her arms to reassure her.

 “Sorry, I-“ Bernie faltered. This wasn’t how it happened. They were all usually so pleased to see her. First, she’d hug Cam, then Charlotte, then baby Elinor, and then finally she’d hug Serena, always hugged last and longest because inevitably one or both of them would cry.

 “Someone at school told her that-“ Cameron began.

 “Cam.” Serena offered, warning him, and he apparently decided better of finishing his sentence, shrugging instead before struggling to pick up Bernie’s bag.

 “I couldn’t even lift it off the ground last time, and now look!” He pointed out to his mother, the bag an inch off the floor.

 “Wow!” Bernie managed, though without much enthusiasm. Her eyes were trained on scene inside the office, where Serena sat Charlotte in her chair and crouched before her, talking quietly as Charlotte brushed away her tears.

 “Are you back for good this time?” Cameron ventured hopefully.

 Bernie gave him a distracted smile but no response before she moved the last few steps towards the office, hovering in the doorway much as her daughter had done. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, sweetheart.”

 Charlotte looked from one mother to another before finally giving Bernie a tentative smile.

 Apparently satisfied that that would have to do for now, Serena pushed herself to her feet and finally favoured Bernie with the smile she’d so longed to see. “Hello, stranger.”

 “Serena, isn’t it?” Bernie’s head cocked to one side, a smile playing on her lips.

 “How many other wives do you have?” Cameron suddenly grumbled from beside Bernie.

 “Oh, you wouldn’t believe if I told you, Cam. Afganistan is the home of harems, and-“ Serena began, eyes twinkling.

 “YES, _thank you,_ Serena! No, just the one wife for me, Cam.” Bernie interjected.

 “Then why did you ask her name?” Cameron thought perhaps Bernie had been knocked on the head, or perhaps she was going completely mad.

 “Because it’s…nevermind.” Bernie shook her head, ignoring her son for a moment to reach out a hand to Serena. “Nice to meet you, Serena.”

 “But you already know her!” Cameron cried, exasperated.

 “If you’re going to keep interrupting, young man, you can go and help Ric lance that boil I told you about!” Serena looked pointedly at her eldest.

 Wrinkling his nose, Cameron slipped further into the room to sit beside his sister.

 Finally, Serena reached out to shake Bernie’s hand. As always happened when they first touched, it felt like a jolt of electricity went through them and a sense of calm crashed like a wave over their heads. Bernie, a woman of science, had looked into this phenomenon several times before coming to the conclusion that it couldn’t be explained, it just was. Soul mates, she often thought as her heart slowed and her breath quickened. “Hello, you.” She repeated.

 A small smile lit Serena’s face, but one that reached her eyes and made them crinkle. And then finally, she was in Bernie’s arms, breathing her in, holding her close, cursing her tears but refusing to hold them back. She hated Bernie leaving, but she understood that Bernie needed to do it, she always had, so instead she just fought to get this short greeting over and done with so they could, while she was here, pretend to be a normal family with a normal life.

Emboldened by the display, Charlotte finally stepped forward and wrapped her short arms around Bernie’s leg, burying her face in the harsh combat fabric. Bernie lowered a hand to touch her blonde locks softly, aware of how shy Serena had told she’d become recently and unwilling to scare her off again.

“Family hug!” Cameron suddenly yelled, and in typical Cameron style launched himself their way, almost knocking the three of them over with the force of his barrelling hug.

“Much as I enjoy a family hug, aren’t we missing someone?” Bernie finally asked when she’d steadied the group and finally managed to pull Charlotte into her arms, the girls arms now wrapped tightly around her neck, face once more hidden but this time in Bernie’s hair.

 “Who?” Serena questioned, pulling back a little with a mystified look.

 “Small, cries a lot, likes to blow snot bubbles out her nose.” Bernie smiled.

“Oh! Oh no!” Serena suddenly pulled away, looking at the clock on the wall in a panic before grabbing her hospital pass. “Can you stay here for a- why am I asking, of course you will. I’ll be back soon!” And with that, Serena rushed from the room, her blouse billowing after her.

 “...Where’s she going?”

 Cameron shrugged as he finally pulled back from the hug. “To get Ellie.”

 “And where is Ellie?” Bernie questioned.

 Cameron glanced after Serena and then shrugged again.

 An uneasy feeling began to settle over her, but Bernie was reluctant to push him, so instead led her children over to the desk, settling them in Serena’s chair before hoisting her bag to rest on the broad wooden desktop. “Ready for your presents?”

 “Yes, please!” Cried in unison.

 “Hey, you’re supposed to say I’m enough!” Bernie pouted.

 Cameron rolled his eyes, too used to this joke, but Charlotte still gave a quiet giggle, kicking her legs happily as she eyed the presents being pulled from the large bag.

* * *

"Mummy, look, I got a dog!" Charlotte held up her present happily when Serena returned. The first words she'd heard her say, Bernie's eyes clouded with tears for a moment but were quickly blinked away. Instead, she focused on the baby in Serena's arms.

She'd missed Charlotte's birth by several hours and had been determined not to miss Elinor's, so had taken quite a long time off work both before and after the birth, for the first time changing nappies and feeding day in and day out. She felt as though somehow though she loved her eldest two, this had given her a special bond with Ellie. 

A faint but perfect smile lit Bernie's face as she reached out, resting a hand on the chubby, perfect middle of her youngest daughter, her hand immediately grabbed by strong, small hands. As Elinor gave her a gummy smile and kicked her legs happily, Bernie noticed the large bruise developing on the front of one leg. When her eyes lifted to look into Serena's quizzically, the brunette just shook her head, indicating they'd discuss it later. 

Bernie let out a sigh of emotion before taking the girl gently in her arms. 

She was home.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things change when you're gone months at a time...but some things always stay the same.

A short time later all 5 of them were in the hospital café, Cameron and Bernie wolfing (or wolfe-ing, as Serena often thought of it) down their second lunch of the day as though they hadn’t eaten in years. Charlotte sat in silence, staring at Bernie and jumping every time Bernie let out a bark of a laugh at Cameron’s questions.

 

Serena watched her, too, a faint smile on her lips that would widen whenever Bernie glanced at her.

 

 _Twelve years together, and I can still make her blush just by looking at her._ Bernie mused, reaching one hand across the table to brush her fingers against Serena’s, smiling back when Serena instantly entwined their fingers.

 

Serena had once wondered, just before Cam was born, whether Bernie had just chosen her because she was dependable. She was, she knew she was, and everyone had always said she was. If anything needs doing, ask Serena because she will sort it. Perhaps that’s what Bernie had been looking for- someone dependable, who would have the children, look after the children, and make an easy, normal, comfortable home life for her to come back to until she grew bored and needed more adventure again.

 

When she’d ventured to ask Bernie this one night, Bernie had laughed so hard she choked on her own spit and Serena began to panic that she’d killed her.

 

No, Bernie had finally managed a long time later. If that’s all she wanted in a partner, she would have chosen very differently.

 

Annoyed when Bernie just stopped there, Serena had huffed and turned on the light, sitting up. _Different HOW?!_

Need I remind you, Bernie had pointed out sleepily, that my parents disowned me when they found out I was with a woman? Need I remind you that your father actually punched me once when I made you cry? Need I remind you that you flirt endlessly with everyone and make me so jealous I can barely function? Need I remind you the time and effort and emotion it took to conceive that baby in there? Need I remind you that this relationship is the most far from conventionally normal and easy that a relationship can be? And quite frankly, I’m not even going to bother reminding you how much I adore you, how much I adore your body and your mind and just about everything about you.

 

 _Just about?_ Serena had frowned indignantly.

 

Bernie had laughed again then, the full, hearty laugh that never failed to bring a smile to Serena’s lips, no matter how annoyed she was. Well, there is one thing I don’t adore, Bernie had finally offered.

 

 _What?_ Serena had almost pouted, then, despite the fact she was the one to start this conversation.

 

That you wet the bed, Bernie had answered.

 

 _I do not!_ Serena had been aghast.

 

That was until Bernie had looked pointedly down at the dark stain beginning to creep over the sheet between them. When Serena had looked up at her panicked, Bernie had calmly picked up their bag, calming drove her to the hospital, calmly sat by her side as Serena yelled all manner of things at her.

 

When Cameron finally arrived, it was Serena who was the calm one, reassuring Bernie as she sobbed, terrified she would be a terrible parent, terrified he would one day feel about her as she felt about her own family.

 

They completed each other, Serena decided. She may be the dependable one, but she depended on Bernie, her calmness, her innocence, her worry, her laughter.  Her.

 

Bernie had never worried, never even considered such things until recently. She just knew her and Serena would be together forever, and that was the end of it. But then a colleague’s wife had left him. A colleague whose family she and Serena so often had dinner with when they were both in the country, their children of similar age. She’d taken the children and left, bored of being a single parent. Within a month, she’d moved in with his best friend. Bernie couldn’t remember being more terrified than the moment he’d told her all of this. What if Serena felt the same way? That thought was what had urged her to accept early leave, to put in a request to extend that leave as well. She loved the army, but she loved Serena more.

 

That’s why her heart sank when she saw a familiar face. Edward.

 

“Uncle Eddie!” Charlotte. Shy, reserved Charlotte who wouldn’t hug her mother hello jumped to her feet and ran to this man, laughing when he picked her up and twirled her around.

 

He gave Bernie a tight smile, and she returned an equally tight one, clenching her jaw as he sat with them without being asked, as though he had a right to. “You’re back.”

 

“I am.”

 

“How long for this time?”

 

“Eddie.” Serena used the same warning tone she’d given Cam earlier, and Bernie really was beginning to think there was something being hidden from her.

 

“Not sure yet. Four weeks, at least, but I’ve requested longer.”

 

“You have?” Serena turned to her, her face lighting up in a way that made Bernie’s heart ache and a lump form in her throat so that she could only nod.

 

As Serena’s hand tightened its grip on Bernie’s, Edward motioned to the pram in which Elinor slept. “How is she? The tests didn’t bother her?”

 

“What tests?” Bernie managed to force out.

 

Serena glared at Edward sharply. “I’ll tell you later. Nothing bad.”

 

“But-“

 

“Later.” Serena offered with a little bit more force, quietening Bernie instantly.

 

Sensing the tension, Cameron put down his fork for just a moment to say proudly, “Mum learnt to drive tanks this time. She said we can get a model one and she will show me how they work!”

 

“Did you tell her about the day we went to the zoo last week?” Edward questioned.

 

“The zoo is nowhere near as exciting as a tank!” Cameron pointed out, allowing Bernie to smirk softly to herself. _Point one to me, Uncle Eddie._

“I liked the elephants, mama.” Charlotte suddenly offered bravely. Climbing from Edwards lap, she rushed to the pram and rustled about below it for a moment before producing a book with elephants on the front before holding it out to Bernie. “..you can have it, if you like elephants, too.”

 

“Why don’t we share it?” Bernie offered, smiling when Charlotte nodded happily.

 

“Maybe we can read it together later?” Charlotte whispered, glowing when Bernie nodded.

 

“And on that note, I think it’s time we head home.” Serena pushed herself up, eager to get away from Edward lest he say anything more.

 

“I haven’t finished eating!” Cameron protested.

 

“And are you going to eat that?” Serena looked pointedly at his place, full of all the onion he had pulled from his burger.

 

“..No.”

 

“Exactly. Come on.”

 

“See you next week.” Edward gave Serena the sort of smile that made Bernie’s blood boil. The sort of smile he only ever gave when Bernie was there to witness it. “Bye, kids!”

 

 _Point two to me_ Bernie decided as he huffed and walked away, because Cameron only gave a mumbled reply and Charlotte nothing at all, too focused on the chocolate bar she’d just pulled from one of Bernie’s many pockets. God, she hated that man.

 _Point three to the Major_ Edward noted silently a moment later when he turned to watch them walk from the entrance as he waited for the lift. Bernie’s hand was pressed somewhere under the back of Serena’s shirt, somewhere he’d never be allowed close to, Cameron, who he thought of almost as a son, was now wearing both an army jacket and hat as he tried to copy Bernie’s walk a few paces behind her, and Charlotte, who had very bravely trusted him with her important secret a week earlier was now being carried by Bernie, her head resting gently against her mother’s cheek.

 

They looked like the perfect family, and it annoyed Edward immensely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to talk to more Berena readers, writers and lovers, so please add me on twitter- LazySundayTales.
> 
> Also, feel free to send me prompts, I'm on holiday for the next two months!


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Cam was old enough to know that his mother would come back from wherever it was she was forced to go, he began making scrapbooks, and on the night his mother got home, he would show her the book, filled with drawings and photos and all manner of things so she would never feel like she’d missed out. On one memorable occasion at the age of 5, Cameron had got food poisoning and had insisted on pasting into the book a piece of toilet paper with the word poo written on it (Serena would tell Bernie later that he had actually wanted to paste in the real deal, and this thought still made Bernie laugh whenever they first opened the book).

 

So now, mid-afternoon, Bernie was sat on the couch with Cameron beside her and Charlotte on her lap as they flipped through the book.

 

Though Bernie kept a smile on her lips, she silently noted how often Edward appeared in stories and photos, and when Cam finally turned to the page of their zoo adventure, Bernie shut the book with a bang. “You know what? I think we should have a zoo day of our own! You can both show me all your favourite animals, and I _might_ just be able to pull a few strings so you can actually pat the elephants!”

 

As the children drew in a sharp, impressed breath, Bernie turned with a smile to Serena, who would normally veto such activities but had remained silent for the last few minutes. The sight that met Bernie made her heart ache with both pure happiness and pure sadness.

 

Serena had been breastfeeding Elinor, but apparently exhausted, they had both fallen asleep during this endeavour, Ellie’s head now securely nestled against her mother, Serena’s head resting heavily against the side of the couch. They both looked like they hadn’t slept well for a long time, and in the stillness, Bernie was able to see the black smudges under both their eyes.

 

“Mum?” Cameron suddenly interrupted her worry to flip the book open again, thankfully moving on from the zoo page without acknowledging it. “This was the day Charlotte had to dress up for pre-school!”

 

“I went as you.” Charlotte whispered to Bernie’s hands, held tightly in her own small ones.

 

“I had to lend her that army t-shirt you got me, and she got pink paint all over it.” Cameron grumbled as he turned the page.

 

“I’ll get you a new one.” Bernie promised with a smile.

…

Though she couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept aside from managing a couple of hours on the plane, Bernie insisted she should be the one to put the children to bed that night. Charlotte first, who asked Bernie to read the elephant book with her twice before she would shut her eyes, then Cameron who bombarded her with more questions and fell asleep as she tried to answer them, then lastly Elinor who fell asleep the instant her back touched the cot mattress.

 

Bernie watched the baby for a while, her fingers ghosting over the bruise that was still developing, her thoughts going into overdrive. Something was different with her family this time, something was wrong, and though Bernie was desperate to know, she also wanted to cherish the last few moments of ignorance.

 

Finally, slowly, she made her way towards her own bedroom, hovering in the doorway for a second to watch as Serena wearily unbuttoned her shirt.

 

“Isn’t that usually my job the day I get back?” Bernie suddenly whispered into Serena’s shoulder as she stood behind her wife, wrapping arms securely around her middle.

 

Serena gave a faint smile, resting back into the embrace. “Usually, but I’m exhausted, so are you, and I don’t want our undeniable sexual chemistry to cause us to start something neither of us have the stamina to continue.”

 

“I seem to recall your stamina is quite legendary.” Bernie dropped a kiss to Serena’s shoulder and then walked around to stand in front of her, tenderly slipping off her shirt and her bra before replacing them with one of her old tshirts that Serena invariably slept in. Without a word, she sat serena down and undid her shoes, slid off her trousers and dropped several tingling kisses to her thigh before she removed her underwear, too, and allowed the brunette to wriggle into some pyjama pants as a yawn forced its way from her lips.

 

Then, where she knelt between Serena’s legs , Bernie looked up at her wife through her fringe. “Tell me what’s going on.”

 

Serena sighed, shutting her eyes tightly, but before Bernie could worry that she’d met someone else, or wanted to leave, Serena drew the blonde’s head into her, allowing Bernie to bury her face into Serena’s t-shirt as she dropped a kiss to her hair. “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you, too.” Bernie’s words were muffled but heartfelt, her arms moving to wrap around her wife’s middle. “Tell me.”

 

“…It’s Charlotte. She’s been…been hurting Ellie.” Serena finally managed.

 

“What?” Bernie drew back just a little, sure she’d misheard until she saw a single tear escape Serena’s eye and trail its way down her cheek.

 

“I’m just so tired, and I don’t know what to do because nothing is working and I just missed you so, so much.” Serena forced the words out, her quiet voice breaking Bernie’s heart.

 

“Start from the beginning, sweetheart.” Bernie spoke soothingly as she released Serena so she could stand and move onto the bed, pulling the brunette into her body so Serena could rest against her, tears soon falling un-noticed into the army issue t-shirt that Bernie still wore.

 

“When Ch-Charlotte had dress-up day at pre-school, a lot of the kids went dressed as superheros.” Serena sniffed and curled a little more tightly into the safety of Bernie’s embrace. “They were reading a book that said these superheros always know when they’re needed and will arrive as soon as someone needs them to save the day.”

 

When Serena stopped there, giving a tired whimper, Bernie frowned into her hair. “I..I don’t understand?”

 

“She’s heard often enough that you’re a hero, that you save people, Bernie. It wasn’t much of a leap for her to think you’re probably a superhero.”

 

“She…she hurt Ellie so I would come home?” Bernie offered haltingly, the pain in her chest growing when Serena gave a forlorn nod.

 

“She remembered the time you came home when Cam broke his arm, and she thought if she hurt Ellie that you would come home straight away, but you didn’t, and so she did it some more. I was so caught up at work and had so much to sort out that I didn’t even notice this happening! I was too caught up trying to bloody prove myself as a doctor that I didn’t even notice, Bernie! I made Ellie go through all manner of tests to try and work out why she was bruising so easily, it never even occurred to me that…that…Charlotte couldn’t even tell me herself, she told Eddie, of all people, and she only told him because he noticed what I’d been too blind to!” Now she’d started talking about it, Serena felt she couldn’t stop. “And then I couldn’t tell you, could I, because if you came back then she would think it worked! I’ve been…been trying to explain to her, and I thought she understood, but then this morning I noticed the bruise on Elinor’s leg, and then you showed up, and now…”

 

Bernie sighed into Serena’s hair, tightening her grip as she felt tears sting in her eyes. No wonder Edward had appeared in the photos so much, he was here doing the job she so often ignored in favour of running away to look after other people’s children. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Serena gave a soft laugh then, lifting a hand to brush away her own tears. “It’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine for thinking I could juggle three young children and a busy career all on my own.”

 

 _On her own._ Those words felt like a knife in Bernie’s heart, and she thought briefly of her colleague who was probably at this very minute alone in his large, empty family home. “You-You’re not on your own, Serena. Not anymore. I’m here, and I’m here for as long as it takes.”

 

Though Serena was probably thinking of all the red tape involved in taking extended leave, and of the times Bernie had tried and failed to get it before, she merely nodded, tilting her head up to kiss Bernie’s jaw. “Go and have a shower, you smell like travel.”

 

Bernie gave her a faint smile, dropping a kiss to her wife’s nose before she forced herself to stand. “..I mean it, Serena. As long as it takes. Even if that’s forever.”

 

Serena gave her own faint smile as she slid under the warmed covers, her eyes immediately shutting. Bernie knew she’d be asleep before she got back, so bent down once more to kiss her wife gently. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Serena smiled again, this time more brightly, the frown on her forehead finally easing as she fell into the safe sleep she only knew when Bernie was home.

 

Tonight it was Bernie who failed to sleep, who got up so many times to check on the children, who cried softly in their doorways and apologised for being a terrible parent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure about this story idea, so let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

At about 3am the exhaustion started to set in. Bernie had been absently flicking through TV stations without watching anything for the last half an hour, sure the children wouldn’t wake now. But as she made her weary way up the stairs, she noticed that the door to Charlotte’s bedroom was open much wider than she left it. Torn between unwillingness to think bad of her oldest daughter but worry for her youngest, Bernie rushed to the nursery only to breathe out a sigh of relief when she found it empty. It was in the main bedroom that Bernie found Charlotte, hovering beside Serena and staring intently at her. Bernie remained silent, watching too, finding herself now wary of the little girl she adored.

 

But then Charlotte reached out a small hand, shaking her mother’s shoulder gently to try and rouse her. “Mummy, I’ve had an accident in my bed.”

 

Bernie moved, then, remembering that for all the fear and worry that had crept into her mind as the night enveloped them, Charlotte was still a four-year-old girl (four and a half, she liked to point out) who had four-year-old reasoning. She wasn’t mean, she wasn’t a monster, she was Bernie’s princess.

 

Charlotte jumped when she saw Bernie enter the room, having forgotten she was here. Her lip wobbled but she didn’t speak until she was lifted and held safely in her mama’s arms. “I did wee in my bed.”

 

Bernie dropped a kiss into blonde hair. “It’s okay. Why don’t we get you cleaned up, and then we will make your bed as good as new?”

 

Charlotte nodded, clinging tightly to Bernie’s t-shirt as she carried her to the bathroom. “Can I have a bubble bath? It relaxes me.”

 

Bernie’s heart hurt all over again. Why would a four-year-old need to relax? She should have nothing to worry about! But Bernie ran the bath and put in the bubbles before stripping the girl of her wet clothing.

 

As soon as Charlotte rested back into the water, Bernie saw her shoulders relax, and it made her want to cry. But she wouldn’t, not in front of her children, never in front of the children. Instead, she washed her daughter’s hair in silence and cleaned away any remnant of the type of accident she hadn’t had almost a year.

 

Relaxed now and feeling safe, Charlotte fell asleep at some point and Bernie pulled her gently from the water, wrapping her into a warm, fluffy towel. She took her to the main bedroom, drying her hair tenderly before putting on a fresh pair of pyjamas. Then, when Charlotte was tucked safely under the covers with Serena, Bernie went to change her damp sheets.

…

Bernie didn’t remember falling asleep, but suddenly she was waking. Her back ached, her mouth was dry and her head felt as though it was full of nails. Where was she? Had she been in an accident? Her eyes were so dry she could barely open them.

 

An unexpected noise was heard then, a noise that told Bernie exactly where she was. A giggle.

 

“Is someone doing something cheeky?” Bernie’s voice was raspy, still thick with sleep, but a smile pulled at her lips when another giggle was heard, followed by a whispered, “We’re playing hide and seek, shh!”

 

Bernie heard Serena’s voice then, her deliberately heavy foot falls coming closer to the door. “Well, I hope no one hid in here, because I did tell you not to wake your mama!”

 

From his spot hidden under the fresh blankets on Charlotte’s bed, right beside said mama, Cameron was unable to suppress another giggle.

 

Bernie felt a whoosh of air as the blanket was lifted, followed by a soft, “HA! Found you. Out of here, young man” spoken beside her ear.

 

“I’m awake.” Bernie mumbled as Cameron scrambled over her and rushed from the room.

 

“No, you’re not.” Serena replied, dropping a gentle kiss to Bernie’s lips before she left the room, the door shutting softly.

 

Bernie wasn’t, either, at least for very long. A second later and she was once more fast asleep.

…

Bernie could sleep for up to 24 hours when she first arrived home from deployment, and despite her concern for her family, this time seemed no different.

 

When she woke again, the big clock on Charlotte’s wall told her it was 4am. 4am on what day, Bernie couldn’t have said, but her stomach grumbling and her bladder full to bursting compelled her to get up and complete a few essential things before checking. First stop was the bathroom in which she stubbed her toes more than once on discarded items, reminding her why putting the overhead light on was important when you had kids. Second stop was the kitchen, light turned on this time, where she found _oh, glorious Serena,_ covered plates full of all her favourite foods, all the things she missed while overseas.

 

Picking up the plate closest to her, Bernie lifted a bottle of water, too, before making her way into the sitting room. Apparently not one to learn from her mistakes, Bernie bypassed the light switch and was quite pleased with herself when she lay her plate down on the table without incident.

 

But then she sat down.

 

“Ow!”

 

And jumped back up again, turning towards the couch to find a bleary eyed and bewildered Serena frowning up at her.

 

“Sorry.” Bernie couldn’t help the laugh in her voice.

 

Serena gave a grumble, resting her head back down and drawing her knees to her chest to make way for Bernie to sit.

 

“What are you doing down here?” Bernie did sit, but lifted Serena’s head to do so, taking the place of the pummelled cushion that had been there.

 

“Charlie’s a bed hog.” Serena grumbled, snuggling into Bernie as the blonde rested her plate of food precariously on the arm of the couch and began eating.

 

“Sorry.” Bernie used her free hand to begin stroking Serena’s hair from her face. “I must have fallen asleep after I changed her sheets last night.”

 

“Mm.” Was Serena’s only response, followed by a gentle snore.

 

Smiling, Bernie finished her drink and plate of food as quickly as she could before she lay down behind her wife, pulling her close and burying her face into brunette locks. Happiness is having Serena safe in your arms,Bernie decided as she drifted off to sleep once more.


	5. Chapter 5

“What?” Bernie muttered, waking instantly when her shoulder was shaken rather violently.

 

“We’re going to be late!”

 

Bernie forced open her eyes to find she was still asleep on the couch with Serena, and their son Cameron was stood before them hopping from foot to foot nervously. “Late for what?”

 

“Soccer! It’s my soccer semi-final, and we need to be there in an hour!”

 

“Right.” Bernie lifted the hand that had been resting on Serena’s hip to rub her eyes, trying to wake herself properly. “Right. You go and get changed, and I will sort out everything else.”

 

Nodding, Cam raced from the room and banged his way upstairs.

 

Bernie pushed herself into the sitting position with a sigh, squinting at the clock. Half past 6. Why did sporting events have to be on so bloody early?! “S’rena.” Bernie reached out to brush the hair from her forehead. “Serena.”

 

“Mm?”

 

“Soccer.”

 

“Hm? Oh god, what’s the time?” Serena forced her eyes open, groaned and then shut them again. “Is Cam up?”

 

“Yep. I’ll go and sort the girls, you get dressed and then make a flask of coffee or something.” Bernie pushed herself up and stumbled blindly towards the stairs. “And don’t fall back asleep!”

 

…

Half an hour later and Bernie had somehow managed to get all 5 of them in the car despite 3 of the family being asleep. Much like her mother, Charlotte could sleep through anything and had yet to wake despite Bernie dressing her warmly and carrying her to the car. Elinor had woken briefly to grumble before her nappy was changed, but with a full tummy had fallen back into a peaceful sleep. Serena had fallen asleep the instant Bernie’s back was turned and had then been forced to dress quickly, buttons on her shirt done up incorrectly and hair still sticking up at odd angles, and was now fast asleep in the passenger seat.

 

“Now you’re home, can we go on jogs in the morning like we used to?” Cameron questioned Bernie suddenly. He’d loved those times, out in the quiet where he could talk to her one on one.

 

“If you like.” Bernie nodded. “But not if it snows, because I don’t want your mother to threaten to kill me again.”

 

Cameron laughed at that, remembering Serena chasing Bernie around the house after she’d taken Cam out one morning and he’d fallen on black ice. He still had a pretty cool scar from that. “And maybe we could go out to breakfast after soccer and do some Christmas stuff?”

 

“That sounds like a very good idea, provided this lot can wake up.”

 

“I’m awake.” Serena suddenly grumbled, running a hand through her hair before blindly grabbing at the flask of coffee she’d made. “I’m just resting my eyes.”

 

“Uh-huh.” Bernie reached over to push the flask into Serena’s hand before squeezing her thigh, leaving her hand resting there.

 

In the backseat, Cam smiled at this. He loved when Bernie was home. Everything was more relaxed, everyone was happier, and despite the fact it embarrassed him immensely in front of his friends, he liked the little displays of love his mothers shared, so unlike the parents of most of his friends.

…

Bernie enjoyed the soccer game immensely. Enjoyed it a little too much, Serena would have said as she was forced to block Elinor’s ears when Bernie began cheering loudly again. “It’s only a group of 7 year olds, Bernie, no need to be so bloody enthusiastic!”

 

“COME ON CAM!!” Bernie hollered.

 

Serena saw the poor boy glanced towards them and thanked god he hadn’t inherited her quick blush. “Bernie, I don’t think-“

 

“You’re too loud!” Charlotte cut in, squealing and running away as Bernie went to grab her.

…

When the game was over and Serena was talking to the parents, Bernie hung back feeling out of place, but when Cam raced up she finally approached them, stepping behind him to rest her hands on his chest. “That was impressive!”

 

As Cameron grinned up at her proudly, the woman Serena had been talking to held out a hand. “You must be Cameron’s Aunty!”

 

Bernie frowned, glancing at both Serena and Cam but neither of them looked at her. “…Bernie Wolfe.”

 

“Lovely to meet you.” The mother gave Bernie a tight smile as she saw the blonde continue to look between her family members with a frown. “Right, well, we’d better be going. Perhaps we will see at the final next week!”

 

The three Wolfe family members waited in strained silence until the woman and her son finally departed, Bernie staring intently at the grass.

 

“Bernie-“ Serena finally began.

 

“I didn’t want people to know.” Cameron offered miserably. “I wanted to just have fun and not worry about being teased for having two mums!” As Bernie opened her mouth to comment he added, “I don’t care, I love having two mums, and I think it’s better than having a mum and a dad, but..”

 

Bernie remained silent, not daring to raise her head, but Serena could tell how hurt she was, more-so than she’d been when Cameron had begged her not to mention that she and Bernie were in a relationship at the start of the season. Perhaps it was worse for Bernie because she was forced to hide who she was at work. Only a handful of trusted colleagues knew about her life with Serena.

 

Cameron continued to look between them, unsure what to do. In the end it was Serena who moved forward, reaching out a hand to brush Bernie’s arm, a move, the blonde noted, that was not the usual hand grab Serena went in for. “Come on. I do believe my big macho army medic offered me breakfast.”

 

Bernie gave a faint smile at the familiar words, keeping her eyes on the ground as they walked back to the car.

 

“Did you tell them Edward was your husband?” Bernie suddenly asked softly as Serena finished strapping the baby in and shut the door.

 

“What?”

 

“I-I know he always comes to this sort of thing, people must have assumed…” Bernie kicked at the ground, hands pushing deeply into her pockets.

 

Serena sighed, trying to catch a glimpse of Bernie’s face so she could read her properly. “I just mentioned my partner was in the military, so away a lot. I didn’t…Cameron asked me, and I…no one specifically asked me if you were male or female…”

 

Bernie nibbled her lip for a moment before blurting “Peter’s wife left him. Took the kids and moved in with his best friend without telling him.”

 

“I hadn’t heard.” Serena gave a gentle shrug before stepping a little closer to her wife. “What-“

 

“I have been terrified for weeks that I’d lose my family, too, and then I come back to find out they were pretending I don’t exist as well.”

 

“Bernie, that’s not true. I-“

 

Bernie just cut her off to mutter, “After breakfast, perhaps I’d better take Charlotte off alone and have a talk to her about Ellie.”

 

“Ok.” Serena responded quietly. Bernie never avoided her gaze for this long.

Inside the car, Cameron watched this exchange but didn’t hear a word of it, and soon his guilt overwhelmed him and he jumped out of the car, rushing to Bernie and slamming into her with a hug. “I’m sorry.”

 

Bernie hesitated for only a second before lifting a hand to hold her son closer. “I know you are.”

 

“Next year, when I go up a class, I’ll tell everyone about my mum; the brave, really smart and cool army doctor!”

 

As Bernie smiled and put a hand to her son’s cheek, trying to convey that she understood what he’d been trying to achieve, Serena cleared her throat.

 

Rolling his eyes, Cameron quickly turned to look at her. “And my other mum, who is also smart and cool but nowhere near as brave.”

 

“Excuse me, who checked under your bed for monsters until you were 6 and-“

 

Serena was cut off by Cameron covering her mouth with his hand before he pulled his two mothers together, hoping for one of their usual hugs where he’d be caught in the middle and they would kiss over his head. Instead, though, as Serena reached out for Bernie, the blonde stepped back away from them and walked to the driver’s side of the car.

 

Cameron saw Serena’s smile falter, but when she caught him looking she gave a reassuring smile before ushering him back into the car.


	6. Chapter 6

Breakfast was a much quieter meal than usual. Normally when Bernie was home the children would talk over one another, desperate to be the focus of her attention, whilst Serena would gaze at Bernie and Bernie would gobbld down her food as if she was starving, trying to show them all equal amounts of attention. This time it was only Elinor making any noise, her as yet unrecognisable babbling drawing the occasional smile from Bernie on whose lap she sat, but nothing else.

 

Cameron looked towards Serena, hoping she might be able to break the silence, but every attempt she made was met only with polite mumbles from Bernie, the blonde’s eyes remaining firmly glued to the breakfast she hadn’t touched.

 

Finally finishing her stack of pancakes and eyeing Bernie’s hopefully, Charlotte asked, “Why are you cross, Mama?”

 

Bernie glanced up through her fringe. “I’m not cross.”

 

“You are.” Cameron offered miserably, pushing his plate of food away.

 

Reaching out, Bernie pushed it back. “I’m not, Cam. Just tired. Now, eat that up before your sister does.”

 

Cameron felt hopeful for only a moment, because he witnessed Serena putting her hand on Bernie’s knee under the table only for Bernie to suddenly jump to her feet, knocking it away without acknowledgement.

 

“Right, since you’ve finished, how about the two of us get a head start on the Christmas shopping?” Bernie placed Elinor back in her pram before holding out a hand to Charlotte.

 

Nodding her head vigorously, Charlotte gripped Bernie’s hand with surprising tightness and jumped from her seat.

 

“We’ll see you in the toy store in about an hour?” Bernie questioned, words mumbled once more and looking anywhere but at the woman she addressed.

 

“Okay,” Serena nodded, handing Charlotte her coat before watching them leave.

 

“..She is cross.” Cameron pushed away his food again, his bottom lip beginning to wobble. 

* * *

 

Charlotte held Bernie’s hand tightly as they approached the shopping complex, skipping along happily as she thought of all the toys she might get for Christmas. But then suddenly they were stopping and Bernie was sitting down on a wooden bench and patting the spot beside her. Hesitantly, Charlotte sat next to her.

 

“I want to talk to you about Ellie.” Bernie finally offered.

 

Charlotte’s cheeks grew instantly red and her eyed became glassy. “But mummy and I already talked about it.”

 

“I know, but…I just need to make sure you understand, Charlotte. I know you miss me when I’m not here-“

 

“Then why do you go?”

 

“…because it’s my job.”

 

“Why can't you get another job?”

 

Bernie was silent for a few seconds then, looking on as Charlotte swung her legs off the edge of the bench and watched them with an intense gaze. Bernie knew instantly that she was trying to stop herself crying because it’s exactly what Bernie would have done. “It’s not that simple.”

 

“You love your job more than you love us.” A small tear finally broke free and rolled down Charlotte’s cheek.

 

“No.” Bernie moved to crouch down in front of her daughter and took her hands, trying to catch her eye. “That’s not true, Charlotte. I love my family more than anything.”

 

“Then get another job and stay with us.”

 

Bernie stared up at her daughter, taking in the pain written all over her face, the sort of pain a four-year-old shouldn’t have to endure. No one had ever asked her not to go before. Serena just accepted that it’s what Bernie needed to do, and Cameron seemed to follow her lead. “Ok.”

 

Charlotte’s head flew up and she stared with wide eyes.

 

“But I need to know you understand that what you did to your sister was wrong. Hurting her or anyone else is never, never the right thing to do. If you want me to come back, you just need to ask me because I would do anything for you.” Bernie’s words were earnest.

 

“…Will you buy me that new Furbie?”

 

Bernie rolled her eyes, a smile pulling at her lips. “Maybe Santa will bring it for you. But do you understand that you did the wrong thing?”

 

Charlotte was silent for a moment before she finally nodded. “Can we buy Ellie a new toy to say sorry?”

 

“We can, but I think you also need to give her a big hug and kiss and tell her you’ll never do it again. And you need to say sorry to your mummy.” Bernie squeezed her daughters hands when she nodded before pushing herself up.

 

“Will you really stay with us for always like a real mama?” Charlotte asked as she took Bernie’s hand once more and walked towards the shops.

 

“You asked me to, and didn’t I say I would do anything for you?” Bernie smiled down at her, but then added reluctantly, “I might have to go back for a few weeks after Christmas to say goodbye and sort a few things out.”

 

“Okay!” Charlotte would happily offer others a few weeks with her mama if it meant she could have her for keeps. “Maybe we can buy the kids in Ka…Kh…Kandyhair some toys, too?”

 

Bernie gave another laugh and pulled her daughter a little closer. “That sounds like a good idea.”

* * *

“Mummy is going to stay home forever!” Charlotte yelled as soon as she saw the rest of her family walk into the toy shop.

 

“Really?” As Cam rushed up to Bernie, Serena looked startled, stopping a moment before she continued at a slow pace towards them.

 

“M-Maybe not straight away, because there are things I need to sort out…but soon.” Bernie nodded, risking a look through her fringe at Serena. “I-If everyone would like me to.”

 

“Yes!” Cameron and Charlotte replied in unison.

 

When Serena gave no reply, they both turned to look at her, the worried expression that had been plaguing Cam returning with a vengeance.

 

Bernie finally risking lifting her head properly to look at her wife, and they did instantly what they did best- communicated in silence.

 

Serena realised Bernie couldn’t look at her because she was scared she would give in to her feelings and break down in front of the children if she saw the love that was always burning in Serena’s eyes, and Bernie saw Serena's wary hope looking back at her.

 

“I mean it.” Bernie whispered softly, gaze returning to the floor.

 

“Why now?”

 

“Just say yes!” Charlotte urged impatiently.

 

“Because no one has ever asked me before.”

 

“It was that simple?” Serena’s hands gripped the pram tighter, a hint of hurt in her voice.

 

“No. But it is now. I’ve missed so much and it’s hurting my family.” Bernie risked a step towards the brunette, resting her hand on the pram an inch away, as close as she could bring herself to get while the children watched. She had never, ever cried in front of her children, and she didn’t plan to now, so while Cam’s actions and words were still fresh in her mind, she was pushing them away as best she could until she was alone with the one person she could be vulnerable in front of.

 

“..I would like you to.” Serena’s hand edged a tiny bit closer and one finger brushed Bernie’s gently for the briefest of moments.

* * *

It wasn’t until all three children were in bed that Bernie allowed herself to let go.

 

Serena was waiting in the doorway of their bedroom, and as soon as she shut the door Bernie was sinking to her knees, quickly embraced in strong, caring arms.

 

Bernie tried to explain herself, but her words were interrupted by painful sobs, her body shaking.

 

“It’s okay. We can talk about it later. We have all the time in the world.” Serena assured her wife, rocking her slowly as she would one of the children. She could feel Bernie’s heart racing, and knew somehow that what had happened at soccer was just the last in a long line of things that had upset the blonde. “I love you.” She suddenly uttered the words fiercely into the ear that pressed to her cheek, and a second later Bernie was gripping even tighter.

 

Losing control terrified Bernie, and Serena, dependable Serena as she so hated being known, was the only one she’d ever trusted to take the reins. The only person she'd ever trusted not to laugh at what Bernie perceived as a weakness. In fact, it was only a week into their blossoming relationship twelve years ago that Bernie cried in front of her. They'd made love, something they did very often in those days, and as she came Bernie had burst into tears. In had taken a lot of reassurances for Bernie to tell Serena what the matter was, and as Serena soothed the hurt with quiet declarations and open mouthed, gentle kisses, Bernie realised she was in love. This had made her cry again, and when Serena giggled at her sudden blurted admission, Bernie had smiled through her tears. Soon, without quite understanding what they were laughing about, the two women were falling about helplessly.

* * *

 

It was a long time before the tears stopped falling and her breathing began evening out, but Serena sat there through it all whispering calming words of love into her ear as she always did.

 

“I love you so much.” Bernie’s voice was hoarse and quiet, echoing that admission she'd made years ago. This time Serena merely smiled, kissing the corner of her wife's mouth before returning the words.

 

Bernie followed Serena trustingly when she stood, she allowed her to guide her towards the bed and allowed her to kiss away the tears as she helped her undress.

 

It was almost routine now, the way Bernie would inevitably break down after a tour, the way they’d make love in silence after, Serena holding Bernie close and Bernie burying her face, desperate to feel close and loved and something as exquisite as Serena making love to her. Sometimes she would be numb for weeks before this moment, but somehow Serena’s love always brought her back into her own body, into who she was before the death and pain and fear.

 

Serena always brought her home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my little morning star and her intoxicated dog.

Cameron woke early the next morning, a plan formulating in his mind. He’d do everything he could to show his mother how much she meant to him and how much he needed her, starting with making her breakfast in bed. But as he neared the kitchen he heard noise from inside, and a peek around the corner told him that both of his mothers were already up. One was currently pressed against the kitchen bench, the other pressed against her and whispering something in her ear. Something not very nice, Cam decided when he saw the pink creeping up Serena’s throat added to the fact her eyes were tightly shut.

 

“Are you divorcing?”

 

The women jumped apart, both turning to him in unison as Serena did up a couple of her shirt buttons. She must have been feeding Ellie, he quickly decided.

 

“CAM! What are you doing up so early?” Bernie brushed a hand through her hair before glancing quickly at Serena who seemed to be unable to speak.

 

“Are you divorcing?”

 

“Of course not!” Serena finally managed, straightening her shirt before lifting a hand to her face to wipe away some of the lipstick that had somehow smudged. “Why would you think we are?”

 

“Because of what I did yesterday, because Mama doesn’t think we missed her as much as we did, because she was just saying something that was upsetting you!” Cameron rushed, his words falling over one another. “Because-“

 

“She was definitely not saying anything that upset me, Cam. As for the rest, I think you two need to have a talk.” Serena looked pointedly towards Bernie who gave a nod, pulling out two of the kitchen chairs as Serena dropped a kiss to their son’s head. “I have to go to work, but I promise you 100% that we are not divorcing, or breaking up, or anything else, so you are stuck with the pair of us embarrassing you at the Christmas play by sobbing because you’re so cute!”

 

“I’m not cute.” Cameron huffed, sitting next to Bernie as she smiled goodbye to her wife, motioning for her to do up the button of her trousers which had somehow opened since entering the kitchen that morning. “…I wanted to make you breakfast in bed.”

 

“Marmite on toast?” Bernie questioned, and when Cam nodded she tilted her head towards the toaster. “Well I might not be in bed, but I’m not stopping you.”

 

Cameron paused to look at her before getting up to prepare the breakfast, not noticing Serena poke her head around the door to have a silent conversation with Bernie who eventually rolled her eyes and stood up, approaching their son. “Cam, about yesterday-“

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

“I know, but it was still upsetting. In my job… I can’t talk about my life here with a wife and children, and that hurts me because I’m not ashamed of who I am or who I love. So when I get home, I love the fact I can….just be me. Me with my perfect wife and my almost as perfect three children. I love my job and I’m proud of the fact I’ve saved a lot of people and helped a lot of others in some way, but the biggest achievement of my life will always be my family. Growing up…Cam, I understand what it’s like to be teased, and I am so, so sorry that you were teased because of me and my choices, but…” Bernie couldn’t find the words, and as her son looked up at her, she found she could no longer speak through the lump in her throat.

 

“What your mother is trying to say-“ Came Serena’s voice from the doorway, “Is that she feels like this side of her life doesn’t exist when she’s at work, and for a little while yesterday, she felt like it didn’t exist here either.”

 

Bernie nodded in agreement with this.

 

“And that’s why she was upset. She wasn’t angry with you, and she still isn’t, she was just a bit sad for a while.”

 

“But why wouldn’t she talk to you? She wouldn’t even let you hug her,” Cam quickly pointed out.

 

“…Remember last year when you fell over in front of your friends and skinned your knee? It really hurt, and you wanted to cry, but you didn’t because you didn’t want them to think you were a baby?”

 

Cam nodded.

 

“Well, your mama didn’t want any of you to see her cry, because even though I tell her it isn’t, she thinks crying is a sign of weakness, too. So she waited until you were all in bed, and then she had a good, big, snotty cry.”

 

Cameron gave a soft laugh at this vision, and the noise finally allowed Bernie to breathe.

 

“It wasn’t snotty.”

 

“It was a bit, sweetheart. Now, are we all sorted here? Because I am going to be late for work soon.”

 

“Sorted.” Cam nodded. “I love you. Both of you.”

 

“I love you, too.” Bernie smiled at him and then looked through her fringe at Serena. “And you.”

 

“…You two are okay, for Wolfes.” Serena responded, departing with one of her wicked smiles that always made Bernie grin.

 

“Your mother is really something else, Cam.” She noted when they heard Serena singing to herself as she passed the kitchen window on the way to her car.

* * *

Two hours later and both older children dropped safely at school, Bernie looked down at the baby of the family. “And then there were two. What do you think we should do today, hmm?”

 

“Ababa!” Came Ellie’s reply.

 

“Abba? No, but good choice. Your lesbian mothers are teaching you well. I think we should go to the shops and get something delicious for dinner, and perhaps even make a cake! What do you think?”

 

“ABABABA!”

 

“Ok! Abba, but only on the way to the shops!” Bernie reached to turn on the car stereo, keeping the volume low enough for her daughter to hear in the back, but not as loud as Bernie would usually have it, remembering clearly the last time Serena had told her off for that very thing.

* * *

A pleasant morning was had at the shops, and in fact Bernie had enjoyed it so much she even did a little Christmas shopping as well. When she’d been getting Ellie’s pram from the boot she’d spotted some contraption with the name ‘babybjorn’ on it stuffed into the corner, and after much confusion and a little help from a passer-by, Bernie had found a way to carry her child that she adored. With Ellie close to her chest, close enough to smell and smile at, Bernie felt perfectly relaxed. If only they’d had this with the other two, she'd mused as a woman stopped her to admire the cute as a button girl she carried.

 

But even a perfectly relaxed Bernie had her limits when it came to shopping, and just before midday they headed home, both yawning.

 

“Right! We have everything we need to make a cake, so I think we deserve a lie down before we start making it, don’t you?” Bernie pulled her keys from the front door and shut it softly, taking the shopping bags through to the kitchen. “And you need to remind me to clean up before your mummy gets home! Or your sister, for that matter. 4 years old and already cleaning up after me!”

 

Elinor just blew happy bubbles from her lips, smiling at her mother as she walked them through to the front room.

 

“Just a quick lie down.” Bernie reminded her as she sat on the couch and rested Ellie on her chest. “No sleeping.”

* * *

Serena dropped her keys on the table by the front door and then shut it quietly. Bernie’s car was in the drive, but there was no noise inside the house so perhaps she’d taken Ellie out for a walk.

 

Pleased she would have a few minutes to relax alone, Serena entered the front room. She’d managed to find cover for the second half of her shift, eager to spend time with the woman she loved before the chatter of the children she so dearly loved interrupted them.

 

But in front of her, stretched out on the couch with her impossibly long legs lay Berenice Wolfe, Elinor Wolfe resting on her middle and also apparently fast asleep.

 

Biting her lip, Serena pulled out her phone to take a picture, but only one because she couldn’t resist joining them, thankful for their huge couch as she nestled in between Bernie and its back. Smiling, she stroked the hair from Elinor’s forehead as she rested her head on Bernie’s shoulder. Well, just a quick lie down wouldn’t matter. It wasn’t as though she would fall asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

When Bernie woke, she felt gloriously warm and happy even though her body felt pinned to something rather firm. A wriggle a second after that thought alerted her to what that weight was, and a smile lit her face as she lowered a hand to rest on her daughter’s back. “I thought I told you not to let me sleep.”

 

“You are aware she has no idea what you’re saying?” Came a sleepy voice from next to Bernie’s ear.

 

“What are you doing home? Oh, god, what’s the time?!” Bernie’s eyes flew open, but as she turned her head to check the clock, Serena put a hand to her cheek and turned the blonde’s face back to kiss her gently.

 

“I came home at midday, and apparently we all had a two-hour nap.”

 

Bernie relaxed back into the couch and let out a yawn. “I meant to make the kids a cake.”

 

“If the kids were getting a cake, my most favourite dessert, what was I getting?”

 

“My undying devotion and love?”

 

Serena laughed at that, dropping a gentle kiss to her wife’s cheek. “Edward had this patient today who-“

 

Without listening to the rest of the story, Bernie quickly pushed herself off the couch, cutting Serena off to say, “I should probably have enough time if I start now.”

 

Frowning, Serena watched as Bernie cooed at Elinor for a moment before placing her down onto her mat for tummy time. “What’s the matter?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Well why do you have to make it now? They’ll be disappointed if you bake it without them.”

 

“Are you saying I don’t know my own children?” Bernie found herself snapping, but before she could apologise, Serena was in front of her, hands on her hips and a determined frown on her forehead.

 

“What’s. The. Matter.” Serena enunciated her words, making sure Bernie understood that she would wait all day for the truth if she had to.

 

“…Edward. Bloody Edward. Our first time practically alone in the house since I got back, I tell you I love you, and you reply by talking about him!” Bernie stalked into the kitchen, opening and closing the cupboards to try and find a mixing bowl.

 

“I was just going to tell you a work story! Like I always do! Just because you don’t want to talk about your work, doesn’t mean-“

 

“Oh, so this is my fault?” Bernie turned to stare at her wife. “I suppose it’s my fault that everyone always assumes he’s the kids father because you’re so bloody flirty with him. Perhaps you should just go and marry him, stop yourself being left alone all the time or having to put up with a fucked up spouse who doesn’t want to talk about the 18 year old who got blown up right in front of her!”

 

“How could I know something like that happened unless you told me?!” Usually it took quite a lot to rile Serena up, but she’d had so much going on in the last few weeks that the quite familiar Bernie/ Edward rant was getting under her skin.

 

As Bernie went to reply and Serena readied herself for a proper argument, a bump could be heard from the living room. With the quickest reflexes of the two, Bernie was immediately through to the room she’d left Elinor in, but when Serena followed she bumped straight into her.

 

“What-“

 

“Sh!” Bernie hissed, but as Serena was about to tell her not to be so rude, Bernie grabbed her hand and pulled her forward so she could see Elinor on her hands and knees rocking herself for a few seconds before hesitantly shuffling forward. “Is…Is she-“

 

Serena gripped Bernie’s hand tighter, watching in awe as though it was the first time she’d ever witnessed one of her children crawling.

 

“Cam’s lego!” Bernie suddenly cried, startling both Serena and Ellie as she rushed forward to pick up one of the discarded pieces triumphantly.

 

“…Well, I mean, she can’t exactly jump from crawling to building a lego house with you, Bernie.” Serena frowned, not following.

 

“No, Look!” Bernie crouched to hold the piece to the bruise of Elinor’s leg. They matched perfectly. “So this time it wasn’t Charlotte!” She turned to look at Serena with a grin, but it fell as the brunette burst into tears. “What’s the matter? I thought it was a good thing!?” Bernie jumped to her feet, pulling the brunette close.

 

“It means she’s crawled before, and I didn’t even notice.” Serena sobbed.

 

“…She might not have, she might have just lay on-“

 

“You think I lay her on top of it?” Serena looked up, crestfallen.

 

With a sigh, Bernie peppered her face with kisses and then pulled Serena’s head back to her shoulder. “It’s okay. She’s okay, we’re all okay.”

* * *

It wasn’t until later that evening (after giving Cameron a firm talking to about the dangers of leaving lego around a baby), all the children in bed and Bernie and Serena curled up on the couch together watching some horribly mundane movie (during which they spent most of the time kissing) that Bernie offered gently, “I’ve never seen it.”

 

“Seen what?” Serena asked, reaching up to brush blonde hair from her wife’s eyes and earning herself another tender kiss.

 

“First crawl, first walk, first word.” Bernie shrugged.

 

Serena remained silent, unsure what to say so just letting her fingers stroke Bernie’s cheek.

 

“..I mean it, Serena. About leaving the army. I’ve missed too much, things I should have been around for. To know that Cameron and Charlotte wanted me home but didn’t think I would come if they just asked…”

 

“I would love to wake up to you every morning.” Serena offered softly, watching as a smile pulled at Bernie’s lips.

 

She stroked her fingers up and down Serena’s side for a minute before venturing onto the thing she’d really wanted to mention. “When we first met, and talked about all the things we wanted in life, we said we’d have 4 children.”

 

Serena gave a soft laugh and settled her head back down onto the cushion. “Before we knew how much work a single one was!”

 

Bernie swallowed, looking down at Serena as she looked back at the TV. “…I think I would like to have another one.”

 

Serena’s eyebrows flew up and she rolled onto her back so she could try and decide whether Bernie was serious or not. “…I’ve only just had Ellie, Bernie. You know they said there is a better change of-“

 

“Not you. Me.” Bernie looked anywhere but at Serena.

 

“Oh.”

 

“…When you’re pregnant, you just sort of…glow. It looks so right, and so easy..and I think I would like to sort of…contribute to our family, too.”

 

“You do contribute, Bernie!” Serena put a hand on either side of her wife’s face to stop her looking away. “If you want to carry our baby, then I would love to support you in that, but please, please, never think that you need to do more for us, or that you’re not their mother as much as I am.”

 

Bernie lowered her head to capture Serena’s lips gently, brushing their noses together for a moment before sighing. “I know. I know I am. And I know that it’s just because I’m not here all the time that sometimes I feel disconnected from things, but…we had so many plans, remember? So many things we wanted to do and be and have together, and I want those things to happen. I want to take you on that romantic trip to some horribly tiny and smoky hotel in france, I want to go on a family camping holiday and get eaten alive by mosqitoes, I want to get one of those hideously ugly people movers because we have too many children to fit in a normal car, I want to get drunk and lost with you in a city we don’t know and end up sleeping on a park bench like that scene in your favourite movie, I want to go to Christmas markets with my family and argue about everything because I hate Christmas, I want-“

 

Bernie was cut off then by Serena’s lips pressing to hers, warm hands pulling her closer, slipping beneath her tshirt to feel her racing heart.

 

“I love you.”  Was Serena’s first words when they broke apart breathlessly a minute later.

 

“I’m going to call my commanding officer tomorrow to get the ball rolling, and then I am going to find a babysitter and take my wife out to a horribly crass lesbian nightclub even though we’ll both be ready for bed at 9pm, and then I will take her out for fish and chips at midnight, and then I will taste every inch I can find of her perfect body while she stands beneath that huge oak tree at the park.” Bernie whispered as she slid down Serena’s body,  dropping kisses as she went.

 

Serena laughed gently, remembering the first time they’d met- a seedy lesbian club, a fish and chip meal, and then Bernie’s mouth on her making her cry out into the darkness. They’d spent every hour of the next 2 weeks after that night together, planning their life together and forgetting the rest of the world existed.

 

The morning they’d parted was the first and only time Bernie had cried before leaving, and it was then that Serena had first assured her that everything was ok, they were okay, and when she got back Serena woud be waiting for her.

 

Serena would be home.

* * *

Serena barely slept that night, Bernie’s words going around a loop in her head. Yes, she had had easy pregnancies for all three children, and she had enjoyed them all, liked being pregnant even, but three children was a lot to deal with, even though she loved them fiercely, when she had a demanding job, and to add another to the mix?

 

She supposed she could ask for help running AAU, but was reluctant to. It was a hard-won position, and she didn’t want the men to think it was too much for her.

 

And who knows how long Bernie could stay in one place for? What if she lasted the while 9 months and then decided to go back to the army, leaving Serena with 2 children under the age of 2 and 4 under the age of 8? She knew Bernie had every intention of keeping her word and leaving the army, but there were plenty other things that could take her away, plenty of other things that she might feel drawn to help with. How could Serena hope to keep her here?

 

“What are you thinking about?” A sleepy Bernie suddenly asked at 1am that morning, nuzzling the soft hairs on the back of Serena’s neck.

 

“…Just how beautiful you’d look pregnant.”

 

Bernie smiled into her hair and let out a happy sigh before falling easily to sleep once more.

 

If Bernie wanted another child, Serena would be happy to deal with whatever consequences came from that. She’d do anything for her, and that was okay because Bernie never took that for granted, always had the best of intentions, always glowed with happiness when Serena said yes, always did her awkward, hopeful best.

 

Smiling to herself and warm with love, Serena rolled over and rested against Bernie. It would be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning when Cameron rushed into his parents’ bedroom, he found it empty. Rolling his eyes, he raced down the stairs hoping Bernie hadn’t made her own breakfast yet. As his mother had told him once, just because someone says they forgive you, doesn’t mean you should stop making it up to them. He was thankful that they weren’t in the kitchen and quickly put in some toast and got out the coffee (he was strictly forbidden to deal with the hot water himself until he was 32, Bernie had told him). Then, once the bread was buttered and the marmite spread on, he placed it neatly on a plate and rested it on the table before going to find his mothers.

 

He found them, finally, outside. Despite the freezing cold, they were sat in one of the large garden chairs together, wrapped in the duvet from their bed. Serena’s head was resting on Bernie’s shoulder, and Bernie was stroking her hair and talking softly.

 

Hesitantly, Cameron edged forward to listen.

 

“I thought he was right behind me. He was, when I checked a second or two earlier. He was holding my pack, he’d insisted so I had my hands free, but my photo of you all was in there, so I was keeping a sharp eye on it.” Bernie let out a low sigh then, and Serena dropped a kiss to her jaw, mumbling something that made Bernie smile. “And then in the next second, he was gone. I ran back, I didn’t even think of my own safety, but it was too late. He must have died straight away. They wanted me to escort him back to his parents, but I refused. How could I face his mother and tell her I’d been thinking of my warm bed at home instead of thinking about her 18-year-old son’s safety? How could I tell her he was dead, but my own son was safe and warm and-“

 

“I won’t ever join the military, I promise!” Cameron appeared suddenly throwing himself at his mama and hugging her tightly.

 

Bernie looked up Serena over the top of his head, and all Serena could offer was an apologetic smile, reaching out to rest a hand over the one Bernie held to his back. “That wasn’t something you should have been listening to, Cam.”

 

“What was his name?” Cameron pulled back.

 

“Why?” Bernie’s voice was croaky now. She’d woken Serena up from her fitful sleep at 5am telling her she wanted to talk to her about her job. They’d been sat out here for two hours now, because once she started she couldn’t stop.

 

“What was his name?” Cam pushed.

 

“Cam-” Serena began.

 

“Patrick.”

 

Nodding, Cameron raced into the house and Bernie looked at Serena with confusion, but before either of them could speak Cameron was back out, sitting on Bernie’s knee like he hadn’t for years. Holding up an old battered teddy bear, he placed it into her hands. “Meet Patrick.”

 

“…I don’t understand?”

 

Serena did, though, and she smiled at her son affectionately. “When he was 4 and his Grandad died-“

 

“I gave him the teddy, and told him to hug it when he missed him, and grandad would feel it all the way in Heaven.” Bernie finished, pulling both her son and the teddy close, silent tears rolling down her cold cheeks. “Thank you, Cam. This is perfect.”

* * *

Just before Serena left for work, Bernie showed her the timeline she’d made for the day, her soldier training shining through (she’d even scheduled nappy changes). First off was taking the children to school, then taking Ellie for a walk (after much coaxing, Bernie had grudgingly admitted she just wanted to show her off), then she was calling her commanding officer. Below this were dot points of all the things she needed to say to him, and a lot of the responses to things she was sure he’d say.  After this phone call came a nappy change, then a feed for Ellie, and then Bernie could come to the hospital to talk to Serena during her lunch break (which Bernie had kindly scheduled for her, complete with toilet break, time in the lift, and an unspecified portion of time for either, Bernie told her, a breast pump or a make out session in the office (“With me, obviously. I’ll write my name in”)).

 

With another fond laugh, Serena had kissed all her children goodbye and then her wife, hands slipping momentarily below the old t-shirt she wore to tickle her middle gently, something Bernie had so often done to her when she was pregnant.

 

Bernie’s smile could have lit the whole world, Serena was sure.

* * *

By the time Serena got to work, she was already exhausted emotionally and physically, and sank gratefully into the chair behind her desk. She loved the rare times Bernie felt able to open up, but surely she could schedule them, too, and leave Serena time to rest.

 

Elbows resting on the table, Serena rested her head in her hands. Another child, Bernie home all the time, a ward to run smoothly, a stack of paperwork to finish-

 

“Coffee and a pain au chocolat!” Edward put them in front of her in a flourish, smiling widely.

 

“Oh, I could kiss you!” Serena exclaimed, pulling the coffee towards her instantly.

 

“Won’t say no.” Edward smiled, though Serena rolled her eyes. “Talk to me, what’s going on?”

 

Serena opened her mouth to reply, but Bernie’s words the day before about Edward were still in her mind, and she could already imagine Bernie’s face if she found out Serena had told him any of the things on her mind. “Oh you know, end of the school year means its busier at home, but it’s busier here as well, and I’m swimming in paperwork.”

 

“Well, I’ve got two hours free, so send some my way.” Edward decided, moving to sit at the empty desk. “And no need to thank me, it’s my pleasure.”

 

With a smile, Serena pushed some towards him and then picked up her phone to send Bernie a message. S: _Trust everything is on track, soldier!_

The reply was almost instant, a photo of Bernie with Ellie in the babybjorn showing up, both buddled up against the cold. B: _Everything present and correct, Mrs Major._

_S: Good to hear it. Cute baby._

_B: Mum’s quite a looker too, I thought._

_S: If eskimo is your type. It’s not that cold, Bernie._

_B: I refuse to believe it’s not positively arctic out here. Go and do some work._

_S: YES, MA’AM!_

Bernie smiled down at her phone and then dropped a kiss to Elinor’s beanie, pausing again a moment later to add _I love you, Serena._

_S: Love you too, Berenice._

 

* * *

“Serena!” Bernie rushed through the door to Serena’s office with a wide grin on her face three hours later.

 

“She’s in theatre.”

 

Edward. Well, not even Edward sitting alone in Serena’s office was going to dampen her mood right now, so smile still on her face, Bernie fell into Serena’s office chair. “I’ll wait.”

 

“..She might be a while.” Edward was displeased with the ease that Bernie had sat at the desk. It was like she owned it.

 

“We don’t mind waiting, do we princess?!” Bernie smiled at Elinor, rocking the pram gently with her foot, her eyes moving to scan Serena’s desk, her heart flipping with happiness when she saw the family photo resting proudly beside her computer, a picture of Bernie in uniform next to it. Not the usual straight faced, staring at the camera official photo, though. This was taken after her fourth tour when she’d walked into the arrivals area of the airport. She hadn’t been expecting Serena to be there, but there she was with a grin and a cardboard placard on which was written ‘You’re going to be a mummy!’. They’d started IVF just before Bernie had been forced to leave on an unplanned tour of Afghanistan, and Serena had so steadfastly refused to mention it on their few phone calls that Bernie had decided she’d abandoned their plan. Serena’s father was the one who’d taken the photo just as Bernie read the sign, a look of pure happiness on her face. She had, of course, burst into tears a moment later and the macho army medic had to be half carried to the car by her pregnant girlfriend.

 

Bernie was drawn from her reverie by Edward clearing his throat, eyes on the pram. “Has Serena told you about what Charlotte did?”

 

The blonde felt her back stiffen as she answered curtly. “Yes.”

 

“…Well, you couldn’t have expected a child to be normal when she has two mothers, really.”Edward shrugged without looking up from his work.

 

Bernie was stunned into silence for a moment. Edward had always annoyed her, but he’d never said anything rude to her, as such. “How dare you.” Bernie got to her feet, her voice low and cold, fists clenched by her sides.

 

“Feel free to tell Serena if you like, but she knows I’d never be homophobic. After all, I’ve been her best friend throughout this whole…experimental stage.”

 

As Bernie took a long stride towards him, they both heard Serena laughing somewhere on the ward.

 

When Serena entered the office a few seconds later it was to find Edward sat at his desk and Bernie resting against hers, Edward focused on his paperwork and Bernie staring at Elinor with an unhappy expression. It made her heart sink. “...Was it bad news?”

 

Bernie looked up, confused until she remembered why she’d come, why she’d barged into this very of office with a grin on her face.

 

Serena took the short silence to mean yes and stepped forward to draw Bernie’s head to her chest, dropping a kiss to her hair. “It’s okay. We can work out something to tell the children.”

 

“They said yes.” Bernie forced out.

 

“What?” Serena pulled back, a frown on her forehead that transformed into a wide grin. “Then why do you look so upset?”

 

Bernie glanced at Edward, the smirk on his face.

 

“…I still have to go for the last two months to help start up a hospital. I’m due to leave on Christmas eve.” Bernie looked away, Edwards words still stinging and forcing her to focus anywhere but on her wife.

 

“That’s okay, we can celebrate early. And Two months is no time at all! You’ll still be here for Charlotte’s birthday in March!”

 

Bernie nodded, swallowing when Serena reached out to put a warm hand on her cheek. “Serena, I’d rather you didn’t see Edward anymore.”

 

The warm hand was gone and Serena was rolling her eyes. “I wish you two would sort out your differences. He’s my friend, Bernie!”

 

“And I’m your wife!” Bernie shot back, pushing off the desk. “Ask him what he said! Ask him what he’s been saying to me!”

 

in her pram, Elinor gave a cry at the raised voice.

 

“Don’t start this again, Bernie.” Serena sighed, moving to pick up her daughter, whispering gentle words in her ear.

 

“He told me that there was no chance for Charlotte to be normal because she has two mothers, he said that this, us, is an experimental phase for you! Why can’t you see what he’s like?!”

 

“I’m going to go, Serena. I don’t want to see you upset, I can’t watch this.” Edward abandoned his pen and stood up, picking up his jacket.

 

Serena looked between calm, collected Edward and a wild-eyed Bernie, such a rare state to see her in, and yet seen a handful of times already since she’d come back this time. Each of those times had one thing in common.

 

“And perhaps when you leave, you’d do me a favour and not come back. This is my family you’re trying to meddle with Edward, and no-one, not even you, is going to break it up. If I hear you’ve said anything more to my wife, you can guarantee you’ll pay for it.” Serena spoke in a low voice, eyes on Elinor, and as Edward stared at her almost slack-jawed, she moved silently past Bernie to sit down at her own desk with her daughter. It was only when she finally lifted her eyes that Edward saw the burning fury in them. “Out.”

 

With that one word, he was gone, the door shut softly behind him.

 

The room remained shrouded with silence for a long time before Bernie managed a soft, “Serena-“

 

“Don’t.”

 

Bernie turned towards her warily. “Serena-“

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about him saying things like that before?”

 

“He hasn’t said things like that before, not directly.” Bernie gave a faint shrug.

 

Serena sighed, lifting a hand to rub at the frown marks on her forehead. “…I think you should take Ellie home, I have a lot of work to catch up on through lunch.”

 

“Ok.” Bernie lifted the baby from Serena’s arms and placed her back into the pram, the girl peaceful once more. “Serena-“ Bernie attempted one last time, earning an eye roll but not an interruption this time. “A-are you happy? Is this what you want?”

 

Serena let out a long breath and drew another deep one in. “Can we talk about this at home, please.”

 

“But-“

 

“You know when Cam fell over in front of his friends?”

 

“Oh.” Bernie suddenly understood, Serena didn’t want to cry at work. Bernie reached out, leaving her hand resting briefly on Serena’s desk, before she walked towards the door. It wasn’t until she was outside trying to unlock the car door with shaking hands that she got her answer, or at least all she could hope for at the moment.

 

  _S: Yes._

_B:I’m sorry._

_S:YOU have nothing to be sorry for._

_B: Should I buy some formula and some shiraz on the way home?_

_S: Please._

_B: Love you, baby mama._

_S: That might be your name, soon. Got to go. I’m okay._

Sighing, Bernie strapped Ellie in and started the car, unsure whether she’d done the right thing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure this woks with the rest of the fic, but I'm trying to get back into things, so please forgive me!

“When does mum finish today?” Cameron asked through a mouthful of cake as they all sat in a café that afternoon.

 

“Late, I think.” Bernie gave a mumbled reply, distracted by the phone in her hand on which she was writing, reading, deleting, and re-writing a text.

 

“Can I stay up until then?” Charlotte asked hopefully.

 

“Mm.” Was Bernie’s only response, finger hovering over the send button.

 

Serena had sent her what read like a curt text a couple of hours ago saying she would be home a little late today because she needed to make an appearance at a colleague’s going away party, and Bernie had been trying to formulate a reply ever since.

 

“Is that a yes or a no?” Charlotte asked as Ellie dropped the toy she’d been chewing and reached for the phone, her chubby hand landing on the send button and causing her mother to fumble the phone, panicked, before dropping it with a defeated thud into the pram when she realised the message had sent. It would have to do, she supposed.

 

_B: No need to rush home, you should stay for a couple of drinks. You deserve them. Kids can eat chocolate bars for dinner, can’t they?_

It was when Bernie was tutting and trying to clean Charlotte’s face with a wet wipe a short time later that Serena replied.

 

_S: HAHA. If you feed them chocolate for dinner, you’re the one staying up all night with them. I’ll be home by 10 at the latest._

The usual reply from Serena to that question. Perhaps her earlier message hadn’t been curt after all, Bernie hoped silently.

….

Thankfully the children hadn’t repeated their request to stay up late, and by half past 8 Bernie was alone in front of the TV, mindlessly flicking through channels. She jumped when her phone rang, for her mind had been miles away. Months away, in fact, thinking of what it might be like to be able to come home to her family every day.

 

“Major Wolfe.” Bernie answered. An unknown number surely meant it was someone from the army.

 

“Major Wolfe, it’s Henrick Hanssen. We met several days ago, I’m-“

 

“I remember.” Bernie cut in. Serena was hurt. Serena had been killed at work. Serena was-

 

“I’m calling because your wife is ah…She’s had quite a bit to drink on an empty stomach, and she’s a little, ah-…not…not her usually jolly self.” He ended rather hesitantly.

 

As if on cue, Bernie heard her own name being almost wailed, and a moment later the scuffle of the phone changing hands before Serena’s voice was in her ear, sniffling against tears. “Bernie? Bernie, I need you.”

 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Bernie reassure her, already flicking through the phone book trying to remember who lived close by to look after the children, her heart hammering. Serena was the happiest drinker she’d ever met. Not once in their 12 years together had Serena cried whilst drinking. At least, not that Bernie had witnessed, she supposed.

 

“But I need you _now,_ Bernie. I need to talk to you. I need..I’m tired, and my heart hurts because I love you too much, and I need you because I- I need you, Bernie. _Please.”_ Serena begged, shrugging off Henrick as he tried to drape her jacket over her shoulders to protect her from the cold of the night.

 

“I’ll be there soon, I promise.” Bernie assured her wife, fumbling with the car keys as she rushed on bare feet to the neighbour’s house.

* * *

 

It felt to Bernie as though it took her hours to get to Albie’s, though in fact it was probably mere minutes, the way she’d driven. With no sign of Serena outside, she barrelled through the front doors. The room was full of people she either knew vaguely or had never met, but there was no sign or Serena, nor Henrick. Bernie’s mind immediately thought of all the things that might have happened- Serena rushing into traffic, Serena talking to the wrong person, someone offering to take her home who was a bad person, Serena-

 

“Major Wolfe?” A man she vaguely recognised was suddenly stood by her elbow. Ralph?

 

“Bernie.” She responded quickly, eyes still scanning the room.

 

“Serena is through here. We thought perhaps she’d prefer to be away from prying eyes when you came.”

 

Though Bernie frowned at his words, her feet were already carrying her at a half run towards the room he’d indicated. “Serena?” The word was from her mouth before she was even through the door.

 

Having just managed to calm the woman down, Henrick shut his eyes in dismay, for a second later Serena’s tears had started in earnest again, muffled only when Bernie reached the brunette and drew her into her arms.

 

“What’s happened?” Bernie asked over her wife’s head, though looking at no one in particular.

 

“A run in with a former employee. The man in question has been spoken to, and realises he is no longer welcome here or at the hospital.” Henrick pushed himself up. “Now, I think it’s time you took Miss Campbell home. I don’t believe she’s working tomorrow, thankfully.”

 

“Who was it? What sort of run in?” Bernie questioned, finally managing to get Serena to put her jacket on.

 

Henrick sighed, aware the name may cause some anger. “Edward.”

 

Bernie’s movements stilled and she finally looked directly at the CEO.

 

“What sort of run in?” Her voice was low, and despite himself it made Henrick shiver.

 

“I believe he’d been drinking-”

 

“What sort of run in?” Bernie repeated.

 

“..He seemed to believe that he and Miss Campbell were destined to be together, and that she had some how misled him. He seemed to take great pleasure in reminding Serena of all the times he had helped her over the years and..forgive me.. been a father to her children. I don’t.. I don’t believe she’d realised quite how much he was involved in her life before.”

 

Serena responded to this with some unintelligible words ending with a sob before she gripped onto Bernie’s shirt.

 

“I believe she thought you might leave her because she hadn’t listened to you.” Henrick added as he made for the door. This had all been quite enough emotion for him for one day, thank you.

 

Bernie let out a sigh, muttering her thanks at the retreating man’s back before she pulled back a little from Serena, whose hair was stuck to her face with tears, whose eyes were bright red, whose mouth was attempting and failing to smile.

 

“I think I might be a tad tipsy.” Serena offered in a hiccup.

 

“Just a tad.” Bernie agreed, brushing some hair from her wife’s face. “How about I take you home and run you a bath?”

 

Serena nodded, her face crumpling once more.

* * *

 

And so, half an hour later, Serena found herself in a bath, make up scrubbed from her face and eyes half shut as Bernie sat beside the tub, one arm in the water as she gently rubbed soothing circles on Serena’s middle. “Better?”

 

Serena nodded, tilting her head towards the blonde and giving a faint smile when a tender kiss was dropped to the dimple in her chin.

 

“I’m going to call Hanssen in the morning and organise some cover for AAU for a few weeks. If they can’t find anyone, I can do it until I go back.” Bernie paused, waiting for refusal, but when none came, she continued, “whilst I’m gone, there’s an ex-soldier who lives nearby who is going to help you out. I called her on my way to get you. She is good with kids, and I trust her. When you’ve ready, maybe you could go back to work part time, or step down as head of department for a while?”

 

Bernie was surprised by the faint nod that Serena gave this. After a pause, Serena opened her mouth to ask hoarsely. “…What about tonight? About Ed..Ed…”

 

“We will talk about it in a few days when you’re feeling a little better. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard. I’ve been pushing you too hard. We both need to learn to take a step back.”

 

“..Do you think anyone will remember me making a scene?” Serena’s voice sounded sleepy, now.

 

“Not at all. I’m not even sure you’ll remember in the morning.”

 

“I hope not.” Serena sighed.

 

“..Sometimes my heart hurts because I love you so much, too.” Bernie whispered softly in Serena’s ear before dropping a kiss to her hair. “Go to sleep, Princess. I’ll look after you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short update + cliffhanger!

It turned out that Serena stayed in bed much of the next week. First from a hangover, and then it seemed that finally giving up all her responsibilities and relaxing opened her up to every infection going. The current ailment from which she suffered was a bad cold (Serena argued it was the flu, Bernie had replied that it must be man flu, then. Serena had cried miserably, Bernie had apologised for her awkward teasing, and then Serena had cried about the fact she’d cried).  While she sniffled in bed and went through box after box of tissues, Bernie looked after the household and seemed to have things run much more smoothly than Serena ever managed (this made her cry, too, until Bernie admitted she was behind on the washing and that she had had to send Cameron to school in a pair of Charlotte’s underwear).

 

Serena would sleep in most mornings until Bernie got back from dropping the children off, and then Bernie would bring both Ellie and some breakfast upstairs and they’d all have breakfast in bed. They were yet to talk about Edward, though Serena was sure he’d come to the house at least twice trying to talk to her- she’d heard his ridiculously large car.

 

Once breakfast was finished, Ellie would stay with Serena for a morning nap while Bernie went and did something in the office downstairs (Serena later found out she was completing all Serena’s overdue proposals and paperwork). Lunch would be eaten in bed as well, followed by play time for Ellie before the big children got home. She loved this time, having both parent’s complete attention, and soon began crawling in earnest and sending Bernie constantly diving to make sure she didn’t  hurt herself.

 

Every afternoon, Bernie would try to persuade Serena to come for a walk with them, but every afternoon she refused. In truth, her head no longer throbbed too much, her limbs no longer felt heavy, and her throat no longer ached, but she found herself wary of getting out of bed. Once she was out of bed, things would change. They’d have to talk about Edward, about how Serena was feeling, about what changes they should make in the future. All those things tired Serena’s mind, so she stayed where it was safe and warm buried under the covers.

 

Then bloody damn Berenice Wolfe had to go and ruin it all. Once the children were in bed one evening she had gone for a run, and when she returned  she glowed with sweat, her cheeks were red with cold and the clothes she wore clung to her perfect figure. And she noticed Serena staring.

 

“Feeling better?”

 

Serena’s cheeks burned as she looked up to meet her wife’s eyes.

 

“A bit, I suppose.”

 

“Well enough to join me in the shower?” Bernie asked hopefully as she stripped off her singlet.

 

Serena tried to weigh up the pros and cons of this in her mind- if she admitted she was well enough for a shower and what you inevitably happen in said shower, Bernie would think she was well enough to talk. But, oh, Bernie and those legs.

 

Serena found herself padding towards the ensuite.

 

* * *

 

it turned out Serena needn’t have worried. Bernie knew her so well, too well perhaps, and she seemed to be leaving the inevitable conversation up to Serena to start. Edward, however, was not so kind.

 

The next afternoon, Serena was finally persuaded to join Bernie and Ellie on their afternoon walk, if only to witness Bernie’s joy at wearing Ellie strapped to her chest first hand. As Ellie babbled happily to nothing in particular, Serena slid her hand into Bernie’s and drew it to her lips to kiss her knuckles. “Don’t suppose there is a piece of chocolate cake at the end of this walk.”

 

She had expected Bernie to laugh at this as she used to, but instead Bernie’s steps faltered, her grip on Serena’s hand tightening painfully. When Serena lifted her head to ask what was wrong, she saw Edward barrelling towards them down the pavement.

 

“Take Ellie.” Bernie’s voice was low, too low.

 

“Bernie-“

 

Without another word, the blonde pushed their daughter into Serena’s arms and walked with stiff purpose towards Edward, fists clenched.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Not sure about this chapter at all. I wanted to give everyone what they wanted and I hope I managed to achieve that, but also wanted to show how fragile Bernie's emotions are at the moment.
> 
> Also, don't forget I am looking for someone to write some Berena with, because without them on screen for motivation writing is really difficult!

“Bernie!” Serena spoke again, sharper this time, but the blonde continued her strides towards Edward. Though Serena wanted to rush after her, Ellie started to fuss at being suddenly removed from the warmth of Bernie’s chest, forcing Serena to keep one eye on her wife and one on Ellie, trying to soothe her.

 

“I just want to talk to Serena.” Were the first words out of Edwards mouth when Bernie reached him.

 

“My wife does not want to talk to you.” Bernie’s voice came out through clenched teeth, but Edward didn’t seem to notice.

 

“Let’s ask your ‘wife’ herself, shall we?”

 

Edward moved to step past Bernie, but a second later found himself pinned to the fence of the house they were outside of, Bernie’s hand gripping the neck of his shirt so tightly he could barely breathe.

 

“I’m going to say this once more.” Her voice was low, too low for Serena to hear, but through his rapidly blackening vision, Edward could see the brunette hovering near by, alternating between looking at his reddening face and Bernie’s. “Stay. Away. From my family. Do not speak to my wife, do not speak to my children, do not even THINK about my family ever again or I will snap your neck so quickly you’ll-“

 

“Bernie.” Serena was closer now, eyes wide as she placed her hand gently on Bernie’s arm. “Bernie, I think he gets it.”

 

Edwards vision was swimming and sparks were flashing in front of him, but he could still see the unadulterated fury in Bernie’s eyes, could feel the way her hand tightened just a little around his neck, the pressure stopping him from swallowing or drawing more than a gasp of breath.

 

“Bernie.” Serena spoke again, more urgently this time as she became aware of other people watching.

 

Bernie’s eyes didn’t waver, and to Edward’s shame, he felt a warmth pooling in his trousers and begin a slow dribble down his leg.

 

It was Eleanor who finally broke her mother’s stare, a wail escaping her mouth as she reached for the blonde again, desperate for her warmth in the cold wind that had started to swirl. When Bernie looked to the girl, her grip on Edward lessened and he pulled himself away, gasping in a lungsful of air as he bent forward, his whole body shaking.

 

Bernie noticed the crowd suddenly, many of whom stepped away when she turned, and she saw the fear in their eyes. She saw the fear in Serena’s eyes, too, and her anger began to ebb away, shame burning her cheeks.

 

“She’s crazy.” Edward managed to stutter out. “You can’t go home with her, Serena!”

 

Bernie’s legs began to wobble and hot tears began to prickle in her eyes as she turned her back on the scene. She was surprised to hear Serena’s voice moments later, calm and steady.

 

“Oh yes I can, Edward. And not only am I going to go home with her, when we get there I am going to make love to her for so long she is not going to be able to walk for days, because she has finally put you in your place and looked fucking good doing it. Now go home, change your pants and get on with your life somewhere far, far away from my family.”

 

With that, Serena turned away and slid her spare hand into Bernie’s, walking her back in the direction of home as Bernie stumbled along beside her.

 

“S’rena…I would..if..I would have-“

 

“I know.” Serena nodded, eyes straight ahead.

 

“But-“

 

“But you didn’t. He got what he deserved. I’m okay, you’re okay, our kids are okay, so the world can keep going round.” Serena squeezed her wife’s hand tightly.

 

Bernie nodded, swallowed, and started walking more steadily. “If he reports me-“

 

“He won’t.”

 

Bernie finally glanced at her wife, Ellie still held tightly to her chest as she quick marched them home. “…I’m sorry.”

 

“No.” Serena stopped them suddenly, causing Bernie to almost fall over her feet. The crowd and Edward were far behind them now, out of sight and probably dispersing quickly back to their lives. “No. The only time you are allowed to say that to me today is when I have fucked you so hard you have nothing left to give.”

 

As Bernie let out a breath of a laugh, tension began to leave her body. “You meant what you said back there?”

 

“Every bit of it. However wrong it may be for me to feel this way, however wrong you approached that situation…your.. passion for me, for your family. And you biceps…”

 

Bernie let out another soft laugh, glancing shyly up through her fringe at her wife. “Really?”

 

Serena nodded solemnly, eyes not wavering from Bernie’s.

 

“..Well, bloody hell. We’d better get a babysitter quick smart.”

* * *

 

Hours later as they lay in bed together, both knew that the situation wasn’t finished. They both knew they’d have to speak of it again, of how Bernie reacted and how uncontrolled she had felt.

 

But for now, as Serena slid back between her wife’s legs and drew from her another orgasm, slow and gentle and causing no more than a gasp from Bernie in contrast with the cries from a few hours earlier, they were just Bernie and Serena, happy in their own perfect little bubble.


End file.
